'I love him to death': The father-son bond of Don, Ben Johnson
Story by Gabby Hajduk
To celebrate Father's Day, ChicagoBears.com spoke with Ben Johnson and his dad, Don, about their father-son bond as well as Ben's own journey with fatherhood.
Don Johnson still remembers the first time he took his two oldest children, Kasey and Ben, fishing. It was a Saturday in 1989, just a day after his wife, Gail, gave birth to their youngest child, Kyle.
The Johnson's neighbors owned a small bass pond eight miles from their home in small-town Laurinburg, North Carolina — where the family resided for about eight years before moving to Asheville. Don was welcome to fish at the pond whenever he pleased, so while on dad duty that Saturday, he created one of his favorite memories with 6-year-old Kasey and 3-year-old Ben.
"They were both just excited as they could be to do that because they hadn't been down to that pond," Don said. "I stayed with them for three hours and went nonstop from one child to the other. I would take the fish off the hook, throw it back in the water, bait the hook, throw that out, go to the other side to the other kid and do the same thing. They were catching fish and I was running my tail off trying to keep up with them.
"We just had a great time. It was so much fun. And they had a good feeling for their dad after that too."
Fishing became one of Don and Ben's favorite ways to bond. They'd frequent the small bass pond or head out to a different spot a little further away that Don's friend was leasing.
Don and Ben would fish for two or three hours at a time, using the activity for leisure rather than sport and almost always releasing the fish back into the water. Don enjoyed rocking the boat a little bit with Ben onboard, but he never tipped his son in. He simply wanted to see his reaction.
"I tried not to scare him too much, but I wanted him to be aware that it was a possibility and to know how to handle that," Don said.
That about summed up Don's parenting style. He wanted to his kids to know he loved them unconditionally, but at the same time, that love came with challenges, lessons and a push for independence.
"When he was coaching, he took pride in treating everyone around like family — discipline, structure, loving them up, but also telling them the truth." Ben Johnson
One of Ben's earliest memories of that type of parenting came in third grade when Don was a high school football coach in Asheville and he was a ball boy. During one game, when the team trailed at halftime, Ben watched on as his father delivered a powerful speech in the locker room.
"We were down and I don't remember what he said, but I remember how he said it," Ben said. "I remember going to my mom after the game and said, 'mom, he talks to the team like he talks to us kids.' That always resonated with me because he took pride in treating everyone around like family — discipline, structure, loving them up, but also telling them the truth.
"That probably impacted me more as a young person than anything else."
Don doesn't remember exactly what he said that night either. To be fair, that had been his coaching style since he first entered the profession in 1981 when he served as the linebackers coach for Idaho State before becoming The Citadel's offensive coordinator in 1983.
When he transitioned to high school coaching after Kasey and Ben were born, Don's family-like style of coaching didn't waver. If anything, it strengthened. When coaching younger athletes, Don valued helping the kids grow more than stressing about wins and losses. Sure, he wanted to win, but he wanted to teach his players accountability first and foremost.
It's the same approach he took as a father to Kasey, Ben and Kyle.
"The thing that my wife and I always believed while raising our kids is that we need to make them responsible for themselves because we can't guarantee that we're going to be around tomorrow," Don said. "We tried to make sure that they made each day count. We tried to make sure that they understood that it was their future that they were dealing with. It wasn't our future as parents. It was their future as people. And the level of success that they achieve is going to be up to them.
"That's how we treated our players. And I know Ben saw that when he was young and I think he liked it. Obviously, he's carrying the memory of [that speech]. So I think that it's meant a lot to him."
It indeed meant a lot to Ben — from both a personal and professional standpoint. His father's ability to connect deeply with not only his children, but his players, resonated with Ben. He may not have known it yet as a third-grader, but that was Ben's introduction to the style of coaching he would employ in his own career decades later.
“We go back to Ben and him growing up in our family and he wasn't born with a silver spoon in his mouth. He has earned everything that he has gotten. It has come from him." Don Johnson
When Ben assumed his first head coaching role with the Bears in January, he delivered a message to the locker room: "Everybody in this building is going to be all about helping you guys out."
From his introductory press conference through the end of the offseason program, Ben has continuously stressed the importance of building personal, trusting relationships with his players. But, he also knows one size won't fit all.
One key trait Don has always seen in Ben is his desire to learn. From Don's perspective, Ben "doesn't have a problem extending himself" and is someone who "likes to see how different things can be dealt with."
Don saw that throughout Ben's childhood, whether it was his son drawing out football plays in his room, writing down numbers from zero to 10,000 on spelling booklets or asking his father to teach him math situations.
Ben's knack for being an avid learner looks a bit different now. The stakes are higher. He's leading an NFL team. Don couldn't be prouder of his son, who quickly rose through the coaching ranks, but isn't surprised by his success.
"We go back to Ben and him growing up in our family and he wasn't born with a silver spoon in his mouth," Don said. "He has earned everything that he has gotten. It has come from him. Now he's gotten some guidance from mom and dad, and he's also got other coaches that have had a lot of impact on him. But the bottom line is Ben is the guy that makes all this go."
While Ben is beginning to fulfill his career dreams, he knows the life he lives now may not have been possible without Don's sacrifices. Instead of working his way up the coaching ranks from college to the pros, Don chose to step back, making a decision that was best for his family at that time.
"I love him to death. He’s everything that I want to be for my own kids, which is supportive yet challenging." Ben Johnson
Now a father of three young kids — Emory, Kennedy and Halle — Ben is making a different sacrifice. He's learning how to prioritize both his family and his coaching career. When Ben took the Bears job, he and his wife, Jessica, agreed they wouldn't go consecutive weekends without seeing each other. It hasn't been easy, but they have accomplished that goal.
One of Ben's favorite memories with his family during the transition to Chicago came Memorial Day weekend. They took a trip downtown and enjoyed some of Chicago's attractions like the Navy Pier ferris wheel, Shedd Aquarium and Museum of Ice Cream, where the sprinkle pool was a hit with the kids.
While Ben is navigating a different experience raising children than his own dad did 40 years ago, Don's parenting philosophies are still serving as a valuable guide for him.
"There were times when I was young, where I might not have liked what he was saying or how he was saying it," Ben said. "But when I look back at it, it was the best thing for me. It's what I needed to hear, and I keep that in mind when I talk to my own kids. I want them to know that I'm proud of them and I love them to death, but at the same time, I want them to be ready for the real world down the road as well. It's always a balancing act and I wish I had all the answers. I don't. I make mistakes, but that's also the fun part about living."
Nowadays, Don is more often referred to as grandpa rather than dad. Between, Ben and his siblings, Don and Gail have six grandchildren they spread their love and wisdom to.
As a grandfather, any moments with his grandchildren are his favorite. With Emory, Kennedy and Halle, Don has enjoyed playing baseball and other games with them in the street at Ben and Jessica's home. And of course, he loves watching his oldest son be a father.
"That's the really rewarding part," Don said. "From my role being the dad and kind of the trendsetter for a lot of things in our family, I get to watch the trendsetter now. Ben can use me as a sounding board if he wants to. But I understand that my role as a grandpa is just to give those kids a sounding board of their own if they need it. That's really all that I can do. I try not to discipline them — I can talk with them sternly if I need to, but I don't need to very often. So that's a real good thing. It's a sign for me that their dad and mom are doing a great job of preparing them for what they need to get done."
Don will have the chance to see Ben and his family next weekend when him and Gail travel to Chicago for a quick visit. With Kyle growing up a Cubs fan and now having season tickets, Chicago has always been a special destination for the Johnson family and has become even more meaningful throughout the past six months.
As Don and Ben took the time to reflect on their bond ahead of Father's Day, their reciprocated love and admiration was undeniable. Ben takes pride in being a Johnson. And as a son in the family, he always understood the power of being a reflection of his family.
They are in this life together. And while Ben is forging his own path as a husband, father and football coach, he's doing so with Don's blueprint.
"I love him to death," Ben said. "He's everything that I want to be for my own kids, which is supportive, yet challenging. I knew every single night when I laid my head on that pillow that he loved me, he always had my back no matter what, whether I did right or whether I did wrong."
